Marije’s dream became a reality, thanks to a sperm donor
Sometimes life does not work out the way we planned it. Marije is from the Netherlands and like most people she dreamed of creating a family, with a husband and children, but when she became 38 years old and was still single, she had to find a plan B. Learn how Marije became a mother with help from a sperm donor from Cryos.
“We tried to get pregnant for two years and without success. I tried to find out why I could not become pregnant and had my fallopian tubes checked at the hospital. It transpired that my fallopian tubes were damaged because of an appendix operation that I had when I was 16 years old. They tried to repair the damage and I was told that I could still become pregnant but only with one fallopian tube. At that time, I did not know that my relationship with my partner was going to end.
So there I was, 38 years old and single. All the dreams went up in smoke. It wasn’t something I’d planned or expected. I had no plan B. Every time I thought about not being able to have a family, it felt like I was choking. I really had to get myself together and find a plan B.
Only with a “real” man
I began to look for plan B on the internet, but it was not an easy task. My doctor told me that she could help if I had a “real” man by my side. But after a while, I finally discovered Cryos. It was precisely what I needed. It was the answer!”
I talked with friends, colleagues and my parents about my plans. Their reactions were very different. My parents saw how much I struggled with the considerations about becoming a single mother and giving up on the dream of having a family – it is not an easy decision to make. After a while, my mother said if that was what I really wanted to do, then I should do it. That was precisely what I needed.
Can I have a child without a father?
I didn’t know anyone who had become a single mother from using donor sperm. All of the single mothers I knew were from broken relationships, which meant that all of the children had a father. I know that the mother-father constellation is not always a fairy tale, but at least those children had a father who could give them answers to their questions about life and who they could relate to.
“Could I take the decision on behalf of my child that he or she would not get support from a father? And would my child hate me for that later on? While I considered these things, I also knew that I would never forgive myself I did not try.
Finding the right donor
Nearly a year had passed since I had started my journey to become a single mother. I had already spent some time finding the right sperm donor at Cryos. It was not easy, but I made a decision with support from my mother. We thought that his history and the family tree was similar to our own family, and it felt right. His letter about his motivation touched my heart.
A man in the house and friends as support
Being pregnant was a great feeling. I was so thankful for being able to experience becoming a mother. I took as many scans as I possibly could because I could not get enough of seeing my boy. I was going to be the mother of a boy! So in a way, my other dream of having a man in the house came true.”
“Of course, I still doubted whether I had made the right decision on having a child on my own. I asked myself if I was good enough, if I could really do it on my own, and whether my son would hate me for having him in this way. My friends were a huge help and they told me that they also had doubts even though they did not have their children on their own. They said it was completely normal and that all mothers had doubts.
My donor must be a really good person
When I look at my son today, I would wish that I could tell the donor what a beautiful person my son is. I would want him to know how thankful I am. There are no words that can describe my gratitude. He must be a really good person because he has chosen to do this. And I hope that one day he will know what a beautiful person he has helped bring into the world.
My son is almost nine months old and he is pure joy. It turns out that plan B was a dream that was fulfilled.”