Breaking down the taboos of single motherhood

At Cryos, we want to help people make their dream of a child come true – no matter their family structures, and we believe that people should be able to pursue parenthood without feeling ashamed or stigmatized. By focusing on the misconceptions surrounding Single Mothers by Choice, we hope to promote understanding and make it easier for single women to discuss and consider the option. Here is a list of the common misconceptions about solo moms.

It is selfish to raise a child as a single mother

One of the most common misconceptions regarding solo motherhood is probably that becoming a Single Mother by Choice is a selfish act. As with all other types of parents, choosing single motherhood is a personal decision motivated by a desire to become a parent and raise a child. However, unlike the many people who become single parents due to circumstances outside of their control (divorce, abandonment, etc.), becoming a Single Mother by Choice is a proactive approach and a decision that is often made after a lot of careful thought and consideration. Single Mothers by Choice are more than capable of raising a child on their own as they carefully prioritize their time and energy to ensure a safe and nurturing environment for their child. Most of the solo moms purchasing donor sperm from Cryos made sure to create a support system of friends and family, before choosing to enter single motherhood. They are also very aware of their financial situation, as many choose to create a financial foundation before starting fertility treatment.

In the end, however, the most important part of a child’s upbringing is the love that he/she receives as well as the quality of the child’s close relations – and a woman who has gone through fertility treatment alone to have a child is undoubtedly a very dedicated mother.

Children need a male role model

The lack of male role models is another common misconception that many Single Mothers by Choice face. However, many children grow up without a father, and still manage to find male role models in their family, school, or at their local sports club. Role models are an important part of a child’s upbringing, but there is no evidence to suggest that children need male role models. What matters most is that the child’s role models can provide support, guidance, and encouragement regardless of their gender.

A single parent cannot provide a financially stable upbringing

Raising a child is expensive – but in the end, it is a matter of priorities. And saying that a single parent cannot provide a financially stable upbringing is just wrong - many people raise children on their own. For Single Mothers by Choice, the decision to have a child is often the result of careful consideration and planning. Many prospective single mothers choose to save money and establish a solid financial foundation before continuing their journey towards solo motherhood. And once the child is born, there are a lot of different things you can do to help ease the financial burden of being a single parent. Below we have listed a few tips for how to limit your expenses as a single parent:

• Create a budget: By creating a budget, you can keep track of your income and expenses, making it easier for you to identify ways of reducing your expenses.
• Shop wisely: Children are expensive as you need to purchase baby equipment before they are born and new clothes, shoes, or toys occasionally. Therefore, many single mothers look for sales when shopping for new clothes or equipment. Another way to minimize your expenses is to buy used clothes or equipment.
• Use a weekly meal plan: It is expensive to purchase food for you and your child, but if you create weekly meal plans you can save money on groceries by looking for discounts when shopping for groceries. A meal plan will also help reduce the amount of food thrown out.

It is harder to find a partner

As a single parent, you need to be creative when scheduling your dates since your personal time is limited. This means that your dates usually take place when you can find a babysitter, or at home when your child is asleep. While dating as a single mom may require more planning (and patience), it is not necessarily harder. Sure, some people do not want to date someone with a child, but the ones who do will most likely be more genuine and ready for the full package.

Raising a child on your own can boost a woman's self-esteem and sense of independence. These qualities can make you attractive to potential partners, and at the same time give you a better understanding of your own needs and priorities, which will help you identify potential partners who are a good match and avoid wasting time with people who are not.

You may also experience a change in priorities. Once they became mothers, many of the Single Mothers by Choice we have talked to, started focusing more on building a family than a relationship. And then suddenly, a partner may come along too. An example of this is Tanja, who waited two years before she started dating again. And then she took her time to get to know her partner before introducing her children to him.

Why talking about misconceptions matters

Taboos come from misunderstandings or a lack of knowledge, and the best way to overcome them is through education. Fortunately, there are a lot of single mothers out there challenging and disproving all the misconceptions mentioned above. In our blog you can read the personal stories of different Single Mothers by Choice:

• Single Mum by Choice: There I was, 38 years old and single
• Single Mother by Choice: Here is Angie's story
• Interview with Single Mother by Choice Sarah Stirk

In general, it is important to break the taboos as they may affect people to not follow their dreams. If you want to read more about breaking taboos, we recommend you follow the links to our blog post about the taboos surrounding heterosexual couples struggling with infertility and the taboos surrounding lesbian parents.

If you are considering single motherhood yourself, you should know that it is perfectly natural to have concerns and carefully consider this life-changing decision. We hope that this blog post can be a help to you by addressing some of the common concerns – but that may or may not be easy to talk about. If you want to talk to others who are either in the same situation as you or single women who followed their dream and are now solo mothers, feel free to join our Facebook group “Family Dreams”. You can also contact our Customer Care Team, if you have any questions regarding fertility treatment with donor sperm.