Interview with Single Mother by Choice Sarah Stirk
After an ended relationship, Sarah felt the desire for creating a family, but she knew that the timing had to be right – for her and her baby. She decided to research the options available and choose to find a sperm bank that could help fulfil her dreams of parenthood. Read her story here.
How did the journey start and what were your thoughts on the process?
“I knew that I did not want to miss out on the opportunity to become a mom. I always saw kids in my future, I just did not know how it would happen - but I knew that I wanted it to happen!
I have a great relationship with my parents, especially my mom and I knew that I wanted to feel that myself. After my latest relationship broke down, I looked at different options and eventually started having my eggs frozen to begin implantation with IVF treatment.
For me, the most important thing was to be completely sure that it was the right thing to do, as well as the right time to do it. Life sometimes takes you in different directions, and because of my relationship breaking down, I had a bit of personal turmoil. I knew I wanted to go through this process, but for me, it was all about the timing. I think everything in life happens for a reason, and I believe that when my mind finally did arrive it was the perfect time for me.”
What was important for you when choosing a donor?
“I heard positive things about Cryos, and I wanted to know more about the sperm donors, which was an option at Cryos. On their website, you can find childhood pictures of sperm donors, information about medical history, handwritten notes, and voice messages. All this was important for me since I got all the information I needed about the donor.
Lots of things were important for me when choosing a sperm donor. Medical history is important as you need to know the background of the donor, giving you the best chance of having a healthy baby. Also, other things like common interests. Sport is very important to me, and I wanted a donor who felt the same way. You pick up on certain character traits and you hang on to them. The baby pictures were important as well because I wanted some visual idea of what my baby would look like. The last thing that was important for me, was the option of Non-ID and ID Release Sperm Donor Profiles. I wanted to give my child the possibility of contacting the donor when he turns 18, so I choose an ID Release Donor.”
Did your mother have any influence on you becoming a Single Mother by Choice?
“Yes, I think she did. She knew my present situation and she did not want that to be a barrier. She believes in strong, independent, and powerful women and she said to me “If you want to become a mom, do not let anything stop you or get in your way”. That was powerful coming from her and it helped me because it means that everything will be okay, and you can do anything you want. By saying to yourself “I can do it”, you have already won half the battle.”
Did you plan for your mother to be such a big resource for you?
“I think so. I probably did plan it, because I chose to move back home to where I grew up. I knew I needed that parental support from my mum and dad because you do not know how it will feel to be a single mother. You know it will be scary, but that is also the case if you are in a relationship. Having a child is not easy, but it is the most amazing thing and I think that support from my family has been invaluable.”
How do you plan on talking to your child about donor conception?
“I do plan on telling Milo he is donor-conceived. I chose non-anonymous so that when he is 18, he has the chance to get in contact with his donor which was important to me. I think I wanted him to know and to have the option of learning more about his genetic heritage if he wants to.
I would like to start early by talking to him. Maybe using illustrations or books to help that. I know Cryos have a section on their website where they recommend books for single parents and same-sex couples during conception. I do not pretend it is going to be an easy conversation and now you are sort of in this blissful bubble with a happy, healthy baby, and it is wonderful. But I also know that there will be difficult conversations ahead but at the end of the day the most important thing is he is loved, and he will never lack love or support in his life.”
What is your best advice for other single women?
“My best advice to single women going through fertility treatments like IVF is to have or get a network around them that can offer support and advice. It is also important to use the network because you are going to need it. It is also important to keep talking about the problems you face every day and remember to ask for help – do not suffer in silence.
I think my other advice would be, I know it sounds easy and kind of crazy to say but try and stay calm. It is a horrible, gruelling process. You need to try and be as relaxed and calm as you possibly can. Try to enter the process with an open mind and not think too much about it. You are going to have good days; you are going to have bad days and you have just got to love and embrace every single challenge that motherhood presents.”
Follow the button below to see the sperm donors available for treatment. You can also call our Customer Care Consultants if you have any questions about using donor sperm to become a Single Mother by Choice. If you want to embark on the journey towards single parenthood, then follow the link to read more about the challenges single mothers to be face on their journey.
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