PrivateBlogSimone Stalberg - It is never too late to fulfil your dreams of a child
Parents to donor-conceived children

It is never too late to fulfil your dreams of a child

Simone Stalberg and her donor-conceived son

How often have I heard the sentence "By the time you're 40, it's over with having children anyway!" when I was trying to have a child? Countless times! And it hit me right in the heart every single time. My name is Simone Stalberg, and this is my story of fulfilling my biggest dream of becoming a mother.

Society likes to let a woman in her late 30s believe that she will soon reach the magical 40 and that her dream of becoming a mother will then be over. Sure, the biological clock is ticking, but is it automatically over with having children? Then there are terms in the room like “high-risk pregnancy”, “late mother” and “too old to be a mom”.

Have you ever heard one of these sayings yourself?

They hit a sore spot and usually come unsolicited, because there is hardly any other topic where our fellow human beings believe that they absolutely must have a say and that they have eaten wisdom with golden spoons. That’s not even all which women often have to put up with when they are trying to have children.

If the desire to have children remains unfulfilled for a certain period of time, which is often the case with the so-called "late mothers", many women will go to one of the numerous fertility clinics. There they are turned “upside down", causes are sought, and conventional medicine does its best to still be able to fulfill the wish for a child.

Some of the questions that went through my mind:

  • But what happens if it still does not work, and pregnancy doesn't happen?
  • What if the right partner for the desired child has simply not been found yet by the end of 30?
  • What happens if the partners' desire to have children varies or if you have to do everyday life in a patchwork family?
  • What about the miscarriages that many women experience but just no one talks about openly?

For some women - especially older women - the time when they are trying to conceive is more like a marathon than a sprint. Many women experience an emotional roller coaster of feelings for months or even years.

A lot of things are simply not talked about because it is still considered a taboo subject in society. Women - whether single or with a partner - feel left alone, are increasingly angry, frustrated and desperate.

Simone Stalberg sitting on some stairs

I, Simone Stalberg, know these situations only too well because I had the desire to have a child for 12 years. First when I was single for years and then together with my partner. When I was single, I tried to push my desire to conceive behind my job as a workaholic. By chance, I got the tip to do social freezing and keep the chance to have my own children. Unfortunately, it turned out that my biological clock was ticking pretty loudly and I shouldn't take too long to have children. Where in God's name should I, as a single woman, get a man who wanted to have children with me so quickly?! So, my anti-Mullerian hormone didn't augur well and, in my panic, I was already mentally in premature menopause.

This knowledge of my limited fertility only frustrated me even more. I was angry, frustrated, felt treated unfairly and just very alone. When I was in my late 30s, I finally got to know my current husband, and our time together trying to conceive began. It took 2.5 years, which I also spent in a patchwork family after years of being single. To be in a patchwork family with an unfulfilled desire to conceive…this added to my frustration several times. With the result that I spared no effort or expense to somehow get pregnant.

A turbulent time in which I learned a lot about myself, my needs and desires. But it was also a time when I worked a lot on myself, left many comfort zones and outgrew myself.

With the result that I was finally pregnant at 41 - for the first time in my life. Wow what a feeling! But 6 weeks later the disillusionment - no heartbeat. I suffered a miscarriage and was just an emotional wreck. But I got help and could get out of this "hole" quickly. And what can I say - after a short time I was pregnant again. This time it did last and at the age of 42 I finally became a mother to a wonderful son.

If you enjoyed Simones story, we can recommend you to follow the links about Marisa - A single mother from Portugal or Mam - A single mother from France.

What I can do, so can you!

Because of my own story, I, Simone Stalberg, decided to make it my mission to help other women in exactly this same emotional situation. I developed my Holistisches Kinderwunsch Coaching and since then I have been coaching, accompanying, supporting and informing women with a ticking biological clock, as a certified holistic fertility coach, on their path from the desire to have a child to the desired child.

Get help and support by your side!

Book a free fertility consultation with me, where you describe your current challenge to me and we clarify whether and how I can help you. For more information about me and my work, please have a look at my website or read more about my holistic fertility coaching here.

I look forward to hearing from you!

All the best, Simone