Choosing to become a Single Mom by Choice: My journey to solo motherhood
Sarah Winkhaus is a successful combination of sport, culture, and business. She is not only active on television but also as a format developer and journalist. Her new book ‘Ich werde Eltern’ is a milestone in her career, as she shares her fertility journey in an ironic and heartwarming way while breaking with the taboos surrounding reproductive self-determination, egg freezing, and the decision to become a Single Mum by Choice! Read her story here.
Deciding to become a single mom by choice was, without a doubt, the most significant and transformative decision of my life. It was not easy, nor was it something I had initially planned. Like many, I imagined having a family in the "traditional" way - waiting for the right partner and the perfect time when everything in life lined up. But life, as I have learned, does not always follow the script. Sometimes, you must create your own path, especially when the path you expect never appears.
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The standby trap: Breaking free
For years, I found myself stuck in what I now call the "Standby Trap." I was in a relationship, waiting for the right moment for us to start a family. But deep down, I knew I was compromising. I was waiting for a situation that never seemed to match my growing desire to become a mother. It felt like waiting for a train that might never come, and as the years passed, the pressure mounted.
When I approached 37, I began my fertility journey, starting treatment in a clinic, full of hope that I could preserve my chances of motherhood. But the experience was a huge disappointment. The clinic left me feeling unsupported and lost in a sea of questions and uncertainty. At 40, I found myself without frozen eggs, my biological clock ticking louder than ever.
That was my wake-up call. I realized that if I kept waiting, I could lose my chance to become a mother. I had to act. So, I made the brave - yet terrifying - decision to leave my relationship and pursue motherhood on my own. It was not just about choosing to become a mother; it was about choosing *myself*, my happiness, and my future.
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Solo motherhood: A journey of self-discovery
Making the decision to go it alone was not easy, but once I did, I felt an incredible sense of freedom. I took control of my destiny. After parting ways with the clinic that had let me down, I found new hope. With thorough research and determination, I finally found the right medical team in Athens, doctors who guided me with care and expertise. They gave me the confidence I had been missing. This time, it was different. This time, I was in charge of my future.
Becoming a mother at 43, after what felt like an exhausting journey, was the greatest moment of my life. My daughter Clara, now 20 months old, is a daily reminder of the joy motherhood brings. Yes, it’s challenging. Being a single mother means juggling work and family, balancing her needs with mine, and constantly putting her first. There are days when I barely find time for myself, but it is all worth it.
No matter how tough things get, I have never regretted my decision for a second. Clara is the love of my life, and the joy she brings me far outweighs the exhaustion or self-doubt. A friend once told me, “The love you’ll feel for your child will overshadow everything else.” She was right. The love I have for Clara is all-encompassing and has given me a new perspective on life, purpose, and what truly matters.
Navigating work and family as a single mother
Balancing my career and motherhood is no easy task. As a self-employed TV journalist, author, and entrepreneur, my work demands a lot of my time. But I have found that motherhood has given me a new level of focus and drive. I am more determined than ever to continue my career, not just for myself, but for Clara - to show her what it means to pursue your passions and chase your dreams.
That said, there are days when it feels impossible to manage it all. Finding time for myself can often feel like an unattainable luxury. But even when I am stretched thin, I remind myself that my love for Clara and my commitment to giving her the best life possibly make every sacrifice worthwhile.
Sharing my journey: Learning from my mistakes
One of the reasons I have been so open about my journey is that I want other women to know they are not alone. The path to motherhood can feel incredibly isolating, especially if you are navigating it solo or without the right support. But the truth is, we are never truly alone. There is a community of women who understand these struggles, and I have made it my mission to share my experiences - the highs and the lows.
I wrote about my journey in my book, and through my social media content, I aim to provide women with the tools, information, and options they need to make empowered decisions about their reproductive futures. Fertility, motherhood, and reproductive choices are topics that deserve more openness and honesty. I want to create a space that offers support with warmth, love, and a touch of humour. After all, the road to motherhood – whether solo or with a partner – is full of heartbreak, but also moments of humour and joy.
Personal stories from other Single Mothers by Choice
The best decision of my life
Becoming a single mom by choice was the best decision of my life. It was not the original dream - to do it alone - but now that I’m here, I would not change a thing. Clara is my greatest joy, and watching her grow has brought me more happiness than I ever imagined. This journey has taught me that love is the most important thing, and I have more than enough of that to give.
For any woman feeling lost, unsure, or stuck in the "Standby trap," my message is clear: You are not alone. Take control of your future, make the choices that feel right for you, and trust that your love for your child will guide you through even the hardest days. I hope by sharing my experiences, I can inspire others to take the leap, trust in their strength, and know that even on the toughest days, it is worth it.
Love, empowerment, and self-determination
At its core, my journey to solo motherhood has been about love, empowerment, and self-determination. I made a choice – not just for Clara, but for myself – and that choice has brought me more fulfilment than I could have ever imagined. Now, my goal is to help other women see their options, learn from my mistakes, and know that they, too, can make the decisions that are best for them.
Because at the end of the day, the love we have for our children is what makes everything else fall into place.