Single Mother by Choice: The complete overview

In this guide, we cover the complete journey from considering single motherhood to embracing life as a solo parent. The guide is divided into key sections, each addressing a different stage of your journey:

1. Considering solo motherhood: In this section, we focus on what to ask yourself to decide whether you are ready to follow your dream.

2. Trying to conceive: Go to the second section to read more about your treatment options and navigating fertility treatment as a single woman.

3. Pregnancy as a solo mom: If you are pregnant, then go to this section to read more about pregnancy and how to prepare for the rest of your pregnancy and birth.

4. Being a single parent: If you are already a Single Mother by Choice and want to read about being a single parent, go to the last section.

1. Considering solo motherhood

Becoming a Single Mother by Choice is a big decision and one you must carefully consider before beginning the process. Many women face a mix of emotions, including hope, fear, and determination, when deciding to embark on this journey.

Sarah, a proud solo mother, shares how she went from feeling stuck to taking control:
"Deciding to become a single mom by choice was, without a doubt, the most significant and transformative decision of my life. It was not easy, nor was it something I had initially planned (...), but once I did, I felt an incredible sense of freedom. I took control of my destiny."

Similarly, Malene reflects on her path:
“It was such a struggle for me, really wanting to become a mom, but not wanting a partner. (...) I just did not think becoming a solo mom was an option for me. I had never met someone who had taken that route. I didn't have the courage to take that first step, but once I did, it was such a joy.”

Below, we discuss what you might want to consider before taking the first step to becoming a Single Mother by Choice. 

Pros and cons of single motherhood

When considering entering single motherhood, many women list the pros and cons of pursuing their dream. A pros and cons list helps to illustrate some of the challenges you might face and what you might need to put on hold. Here we have listed some of the most common pros and cons of being a solo mother.

Pros

• Fulfilling your dream of a child
• Being fully in charge of raising your child
• Relying more on your friends and family to help raise your child

Cons

• Not having a partner to share the highs and lows with
• Prioritizing your child’s needs above your own
• The financial aspect of being a single parent

What it is like to be a Single Mother by Choice

Many of the single women we have helped have sent us pictures and updates from their new lives as single parents. Some women have even allowed us to show some of the heartfelt and thankful messages we have received.

Personal stories from other Single Mothers by Choice

Hearing from others in similar situations may help you decide if single motherhood is right for you. Follow the links to read personal stories from other women who followed through on their dreams and used donor sperm to enter single parenthood. They share personal details from their journey and reasons behind their decision to embrace single motherhood.

• Single mom by choice - the best decision I ever made
• Interview with Single Mother by Choice Sarah Stirk
• Single Mother by Choice: Here is Angie's story

Statistics from other Single Mothers by Choice

Single women are our biggest customer group. In total, 54% of the women we have helped were single mothers-to-be. To get to know more about being a Single Mother by Choice, we have asked the many women we have helped over the years. The statistics below are based on answers from more than 300 Single Mothers by Choice.

• 78% of Single Mothers by Choice are between the ages of 36 and 45.
• 90% of the women in our statistics said that they needed help from their families to ensure that they could handle their everyday lives.
• 11% of the single women buying donor sperm for fertility treatment already have a child. Approximately 1 out of 3 of these siblings were donor-conceived children too.

What to ask yourself before deciding to embark on the journey towards single motherhood

Entering single motherhood is a big decision. Therefore, we recommend asking yourself some questions to clarify whether you are ready to use donor sperm to become a single mother:

Are you ready to prioritize your child’s needs above your own?
Being a parent is hard work - and even more so if you are doing it alone. Being a single mother means that you need to place your child’s needs above your own for the next many years.

Are you ready to have the sole responsibility of raising a child?
Parents experience a lot of ups and downs. As a single parent, you do not have a partner to share the experiences with.

Do you have support from friends or family?
A supportive network is one of the most important aspects of single parenthood. Before you embark on your journey, find out how many in your network you can count on to help you once the baby arrives. You can also find support online in forums like Family Dreams.

Financial concerns about single motherhood

Children are expensive, there is no denying it. Being a Single Mother by Choice means that you have one income compared to other families that might have two. As a result, the financial aspect of single motherhood is a common concern. Many single mothers spend years saving and creating a financial foundation to ensure they can provide a good life for their children. However, the financial aspect should not be the most important part of your decision. If you are ready to become a solo mother, you should consider following your dream, as there are multiple ways to live a financially responsible life. Prioritize second-hand equipment and clothes, while limiting the expenses used on food by creating a meal plan.

Additional resources for single mothers by choice

Want to explore more articles about becoming a single mother? Then follow the links below, designed for both aspiring and current Single Mothers by Choice. These links offer valuable insights and guidance on your journey.

• How to get yourself pregnant without a man: A comprehensive guide
• 5 podcast recommendations for Single Mothers by Choice

2. Trying to conceive

Once you have decided to begin your journey towards single motherhood, the first thing you need to do is contact a fertility clinic to ensure that you can start fertility treatment.

Most single women decide to use a donor from a licensed sperm bank to minimize the risk of any diseases transferring to them or their children.

Tanja highlights her deliberate approach to this decision:
“I deliberately chose to focus on ID Release Donors, as I want my children to be able to contact the donor when they turn 18. It is a unique opportunity that I do not want my child to miss.”

For Annmaree, choosing a donor felt like a big decision:
"I can’t begin to tell you the number of hours I spent going over and over various profiles. Every hopeful mother will have a unique set of criteria as to what they’re looking for from a donor, and how much information they require to feel satisfied in their decision to move forward."

Follow the link to read about the risks of sperm donation.

Navigating fertility treatment as a single woman

It can be overwhelming to navigate the world of fertility treatment as a single woman. Some women prefer to bring a friend or a family member to the consultations, to be their partner or a helping hand during their fertility journey.

Having IUI as a single woman
IUI with donor sperm is a simple and often pain-free process, where a fertility doctor inserts the sperm into the uterus using a plastic syringe. The sperm is inserted into the uterus to increase the chances of fertilization.

Resources for single women having IUI

• Having IUI as a single woman
• Why does IUI fail?

Having IVF as a single woman
IVF with donor sperm is more complex than IUI, as the eggs are retrieved and fertilized outside the body. After fertilization, the eggs hopefully develop into an embryo. If an egg develops into an embryo, it will be transferred to the uterus, where it, hopefully, grows into a pregnancy.

Resources for single women having IVF

• Having IVF as a single woman
• Egg retrieval in IVF treatment
• The cost of having IVF

The cost of becoming a Single Mother by Choice

Becoming a Single Mother by Choice is expensive, and the financial aspect of single motherhood is worth considering before deciding to fulfil your dream. Here is some advice on how to minimize costs as a future Single Mother by Choice:

• Research: Treatment costs differ a lot from one fertility clinic to another. Therefore, be sure to research the fertility clinics in your area before deciding. At some clinics, it is possible to purchase a package of treatments instead of paying for one each time.
• The Donor Profile: The price of a single sperm straw for treatment starts at EUR 144. This is the price for a Basic Donor Profile with Non-ID Release, which is the cheapest type of Donor Profile. However, we recommend choosing a Donor Profile based on your needs and what you think would be the right option for your child.
• Help from the Public Healthcare System: In some countries, you can apply for treatment in the Public Healthcare System. You may need to wait a little longer - in some countries a lot - but the treatment will be free of charge.

3. Pregnancy as a solo mom

Being pregnant as a single woman can feel lonely. Many women benefit from mentally preparing for the pregnancy and the challenges they might face.

Marije shares how she found support in her friends:
"I questioned if I was good enough, if I could do this alone, if my son would hate me for choosing to have him this way. My girlfriends were great support and they told me that they also had doubts even though they did not have their children alone. They said that it was perfectly normal and that all mums have doubts."

Sarah is open about her journey, to make other women know they are not alone:
"The path to motherhood can feel incredibly isolating, especially if you are navigating it solo or without the right support. But the truth is, we are never truly alone. There is a community of women who understand these struggles."

Here are two ways to prepare for your pregnancy as a single woman:

• Building a support network: Being pregnant as a single woman is quite the challenge. While your baby continues to grow, you become less able to perform the daily chores like cleaning and laundering. Many women benefit from having a strong network to rely on, as this may come in handy when you need help.
• Navigating pregnancy checkups and nutrition: During pregnancy, you need to attend different pregnancy checkups to ensure that you and your baby are healthy. Ask a friend or a relative to accompany you to the checkups if you need someone to share the experience with.

4. Being a single parent

Being a single parent will send you on a rollercoaster of emotions, going from frustration to pure happiness. You will face challenges along the way, as you deal with parenting issues on your own and perhaps other people's prejudices about single motherhood.

Tanja reflects on the power of her support system:
“Fortunately, throughout my journey, I have received support from everyone around me. It is simply the best feeling to know that you have a network around you that can support you when it all comes together.”

Marisa echoes this sentiment:
“During the week, my mother and grandmother support me a lot, which has made our relationship even stronger. When I see the love between Jose Maria and his cousins, I want to give him a sibling.”

Annmaree offers words of encouragement to those considering the journey:
"If you’re planning this journey, just know that you will have doubts, fears and concerns about single motherhood. It wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t. Those thoughts and feelings are proof of how much you care about getting this right and being the best mother you can be to your potential child."

Parenting as a Single Mother by Choice

Parenting is a hard job, whether you are single or not. As a Single Mother by Choice, you rely on your network for support and an occasional break. You are also the one with full responsibility for raising your child. It can be emotionally draining to be the one setting all the boundaries. However, you are also the one experiencing all the times your child is happy.

The taboos of single motherhood

Despite the increase in single women pursuing their dream of parenthood and a general acceptance of new types of families in society, Single Mothers by Choice may face judgement during their everyday lives. Many Single Mothers by Choice are met with the question of whether it is fair to raise a child without a father. You can consider questions like this and prepare an answer, to make it easier for yourself. Follow the link to read more about the taboos of single motherhood.

How to talk to your child about donor conception

Children are curious by nature and your child will most likely ask questions about why other children have a father when growing up. Therefore, we recommend introducing your child to their genetic heritage and talking about the donor as soon as possible. There are a lot of different children's books you can use to explain donor conception to your child – including Cryos’ very own children's book, which you can read more about here. Remember, that your child is lucky to have you as a parent, as you were willing to go through treatment and pregnancy alone. Studies have also shown that donor-conceived children benefit from knowing about their genetic heritage from an early age.

Getting in contact with the sperm donor

Depending on your choice of donor, your child may want to try and get in touch with the donor. If you choose an ID Release Donor, your child can contact the sperm bank and enquire about a Donor Child Certificate. The certificate contains relevant information about the donor including his last known address and phone number, giving your child the possibility of getting in contact. Try to be supportive and encouraging if your child wants to learn more about their heritage. Follow the link to read more about sperm donor anonymity.