Single mom by choice - the best decision I ever made

I always dreamed of becoming a mother - I felt like it was meant to be. But for a few years, I started saying that I might not have children. In my early thirties, I realized that I preferred being single to being in a relationship. However, I thought it was difficult to see how that would line up with my dreams of being a mother, so I thought it might not happen for me. But after a few years, I decided, that not fulfilling my dream of becoming a mom, was just not an option. I felt like I was a mother in my heart already, now I just needed to figure out how to make it happen in a way that felt right for me.

By the time I was in my mid/late thirties, I would force myself to date - because I wanted kids, so I guess I had to..? But at the same time I just always felt less happy and less like myself after a few months in a relationship. Even though I was in love, it just did not feel right for me. That was such a struggle for me, really wanting to become a mom, but not wanting a partner.

Thinking about that now honestly feels so crazy. But I just did not think becoming a solo mom was an option for me. I had never met someone who had taken that route, and it was difficult for me to relate to the few Single Mother by Choice I ever heard of - they were so different from me.

I know that having someone speak openly and share about the journey towards becoming a Single Mother by Choice with donor sperm would have made it a lot easier for me to take those first steps. I did a lot of soul-searching and contemplated what I wanted motherhood to look like for myself, and what kind of upbringing I wanted my children to have.

The most important thing for me is that my children grow up feeling loved, cared for, and safe. I want to provide a stable emotional environment around them so they can count on the people in their lives. Once I realized that I could provide those things by myself, I did not hesitate. I was going to start a family on my own. I knew I had all the love they would ever need in my heart, and that they could always count on me - no matter what!

Choosing a donor

Before I even called my doctor to start the process of fertility treatment, I made a profile in Cryos' sperm donor search to see the available donors. I would sit on my phone and browse the donors for hours, sort of like window shopping.

I knew I wanted a donor with similar features to myself, so my children would be more likely to see themselves in me. I chose a donor with an Extended Profile, as I liked having that extra information. I found the emotional intelligence profile helpful, as it gave me an insight into the donor's personality. The process of choosing a sperm donor was very easy for me. When I saw the donor's profile, I immediately knew that I wanted this donor. On my third embryo transfer, I got pregnant. And I have another embryo waiting for me when I am ready to start fertility treatment again.

From the beginning, I have talked to people about my decision and openly shared my journey to solo motherhood. I have made so many new friends and connected with women considering taking the same path. It has been an incredible experience and I am so happy that I have been able to inspire and support them on their journey.

I loved being pregnant and was so excited to meet my little boy. During the summer, I gave birth to my son and discovered that being a mom is everything I ever dreamed of! 

I chose Maximus as his middle name. It means "greatest" and he really is the greatest gift to me!

I am so happy, that I chose to create my family this way and I cannot wait to tell him the story of how he came to be.

Stories from other Single Mothers by Choice

If you enjoyed Malene’s story about choosing single motherhood and want to read more stories from Single Mothers by Choice, then follow the links below:

• Single Mum by Choice: There I was, 38 years old and single
• Interview with Single Mother by Choice Sarah Stirk
• Embracing the journey