Single Mother by Choice

Tanja is a solo mum to be - against all odds

[By] Cryos International Sperm Bank | 10/04/2023

Against all odds, Tanja became pregnant after the second round of donor insemination. Read why she decided to use donor sperm and how her journey to motherhood has gone so far.

I am a hopeless romantic and have always believed in the idea of a family consisting of a father, mother and children. Unfortunately, my luck in terms of love has been poor and during my early 30's I decided that I would create my own family if I was still single at 35. As the years went by, more single women became mums on their own, while I was approaching 35. However, I did not feel quite ready - the hopeless romantic in me still believed and hoped for true love, so I waited another year.

The start of my journey as a solo mum

During that year, I met a guy whom I fell head over heels for. Unfortunately, the feelings were not mutual. After two or three years on and off, I realised that if I wanted a family, I had to do it myself. I realized that I wanted to begin immediately, so I visited my doctor to make sure that everything was okay. Unfortunately, the test showed that I had cell changes that needed treatment. This made me nervous and it was the only thing I could focus on.

The treatment set me back a whole year and by the time I finally got going again, I was 39 years old. The doctors said that because of my age, the chances of pregnancy had decreased. On top of that, I have also been overweight all my life, which did not improve my chances of getting pregnant.

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Giving up was not an option

Despite having all the odds against me, I was not going to give up my hope of becoming a solo mum. I knew I would hate myself in 10 years if I did not at least try. No matter what it took, because my high BMI meant that I could not get help from the public sector, I had to pay for the donor sperm myself.

Fortunately, throughout my journey, I have received support from everyone around me. Friends, family, and colleagues have supported me in my choice. Several have even announced that they will be there throughout the process - and even better: when the baby arrives. It is simply the best feeling to know that you have a network around you that can support you when it all comes together. I know being a solo mum is going to be tough, but I am also convinced that it will be amazing to see a little wonder inherit my genes - and I do not want to miss that!

Starting fertility treatment

When I was about to start fertility treatment, I quickly got a referral from my doctor. As a result, I could start looking for a fertility clinic. Within the first week, I found the clinic and began receiving hormones. My menstrual cycle has always been normal, making the process easier.

After finding a clinic, I started searching for a sperm donor. I deliberately chose to focus on ID Release Donors, as I want my children to be able to contact the donor when they turn 18. It is a unique opportunity that I do not want my child to miss. Follow the link to read more about sperm donor anonymity. In addition, I also chose a sperm donor with an Extended Profile, which meant that I could access many more details about the donor such as baby photo, interests, family and medical history, educational background, and many more things.

The treatment was successful!

On my 40th birthday, I was 12 weeks pregnant. I was proud to share the news of a baby growing in my belly! I became pregnant in my second IUI treatment with donor sperm, even though I was told that it would be very difficult and that the chances of a positive pregnancy were slim.

After my pregnancy was confirmed, all I could think about was how happy I was that I did not give up on my dreams. I was hopeful and believed that it would happen. I hope that other women in the same situation as me will think the same way, because it IS possible, even if you have to go through more attempts than I did.

I am now in week 18 and have had the most straightforward pregnancy so far - so do not lose hope. My little girl will be a great example of this when she arrives in January 2024.