Many lesbians choose to have a baby with help from a sperm donor - and with good reason. In this way, there is a genetic bond between the baby and one of its mothers, and if there are no known fertility issues, fertility treatment with donor sperm can be performed as a simple insemination at a relatively low cost. Below, we guide you through the journey of becoming lesbian parents using a sperm donor.
If you are a member of the LGBTQ+ community and looking to learn about the possibilities of becoming a parent, then feel free to contact our Customer Care Team. They are always happy to answer any questions you might have and help you on your journey towards parenthood.
What to consider as future lesbian parents
When planning parenthood as a lesbian couple, there may be some concerns and considerations that not all future parents share. Here we address some of the important things to consider as a lesbian couple, including legal implications, who should carry the baby, economic aspects, and sperm donor choice.
Parental rights for lesbian couples
The legislation regarding parental rights as a lesbian couple differs from country to country. Some countries recognize a co-parent from birth, and other countries require a second-parent adoption. Some countries sadly have laws against same-sex parents in general, making it impossible for both parents to be recognized as legal parents.
Before embarking on your journey to parenthood, you should investigate the legislation in your own country to know how and if both women can have legal parental rights to the child.
Who to carry the baby?
As a lesbian couple, you need to decide who will carry the baby. In some relationships, it feels most natural for one of the women to carry the child or children, while others know they want to have more than one child, letting one partner carry the first child and the other partner carry the second. Some of the considerations when deciding who should carry the baby are for example medical history and age.
Economy and the cost of using donor sperm
Understanding the economic aspect of fertility treatment is key to making informed decisions about your journey. In general, two factors influence the total cost of using a sperm donor to conceive:
- Donor sperm costs: The donor sperm costs depend on your choice of donor and sperm quality. The more you want to know about the donor, the higher the price. You can see the donor sperm prices at Cryos here.
- Price of fertility treatment: The fertility treatment costs vary significantly from country to country, clinic to clinic, and from treatment to treatment. Due to the significant variation in prices, we recommend researching the fertility clinics close to you. We also recommend researching whether you are eligible for fertility treatment in the public healthcare system, as this often helps reduce the total cost of using a sperm donor. Another option is to travel abroad for treatment. As an example, you can see the price of insemination with donor sperm at Cryos Clinic here.
Choosing a sperm donor
Many lesbian couples choose a donor with similar physical or personality traits as the partner not carrying the child, and if this is the case for you, you can use our free donor search tool, Face Matching, to find sperm donors that look like you. You can also follow the link to our guide on how to choose a sperm donor.
Start by finding an LGBTQ+ friendly fertility clinic
Unfortunately, not all countries and fertility clinics allow lesbian couples - and LGBTQ+ persons in general – access to fertility treatment. If you would like our help in finding a fertility clinic that is LGBTQ+ friendly and offers fertility treatment with donor sperm from Cryos, we are here for you. Contact Cryos to get personal guidance. If you already have found a fertility clinic, feel free to proceed on your journey by beginning your search for a sperm donor.
Fertility treatment as a lesbian couple
There are various types of donor sperm treatments available for lesbian couples entering parenthood. The most popular treatment methods are ICI, IUI, IVF, and Reciprocal IVF.
ICI with donor sperm
ICI treatment is the simplest and cheapest form of artificial insemination, where the donor sperm is inserted into the vagina using a small plastic needle. In some countries, it is possible to order donor sperm for ICI treatment at home (home insemination). The method is not allowed in many European countries. However, some clinics, like Cryos Clinic, offer ICI with donor sperm, where you or a partner perform the procedure yourself in a more relaxed environment. Follow the link to read more about ICI with donor sperm at Cryos Clinic.
IUI with donor sperm
Because of the legal issues with ICI, most doctors will recommend lesbian couples to begin their journey with IUI with donor sperm, as it is similar to ICI. In IUI treatment, a doctor uses a small plastic tube to insert the sperm into the woman’s uterus. The procedure requires no pain medication and only takes a couple of minutes.
IVF with donor sperm
In IVF with donor sperm, the egg is retrieved and fertilized in a lab, making the treatment method more invasive, time-consuming, and expensive than IUI. This also means that IVF, in general, has a higher success rate than ICI and IUI. Fertility doctors will often recommend IVF to women who have struggled with fertility issues in the past or have tried several IUI/ICI treatments without success.
Reciprocal IVF with donor sperm
Reciprocal IVF is rather popular among lesbian couples. During reciprocal IVF, eggs are retrieved from one woman and fertilized with donor sperm before being transferred to the other woman’s uterus, where it hopefully develops into a pregnancy. This way, both women are involved in the pregnancy. However, not all countries allow this type of treatment. Therefore, we recommend researching the laws regarding fertility treatment in your country before considering the treatment.
Things to consider as an LGBTQ+ family
As an LGBTQ+ family, you will experience things other families do not need to take into account. Read examples of what you may want to discuss with your partner before you welcome a child into the world.
Talking about donor conception with your child
As lesbian parents, your child will naturally begin to ask questions when looking at other families, wondering how they came to be. The best way to introduce donor conception to your child, is to do it early, making it a natural part of their life. One way to do it is through children’s books. At Cryos we want to help parents introduce donor conception to their children at a young age. Therefore, we have created the children’s book Our Miracle. Made by Emma who is donor-conceived herself. The book comes in a version customized for families with two mothers.
Getting in contact with the donor
For some donor-conceived people, knowing just basic information about their donor is enough. Others are curious to know more about their genetic origin. If you have chosen an ID Release Donor, it will be possible for your child to enquire about identifying information for the donor. Before doing so, your child has probably shared their desire to try and find their donor with you. You may feel nervous or even be a bit anxious about the situation, but hopefully, you can be supportive and encourage your child to follow their wish. Follow the link to read our advice on how to prepare yourself and your child for getting in contact with the donor.
The well-being of children in lesbian families
Some LGBTQ+ persons are concerned about their future child’s well-being. Today, however, there are so many ways of starting and being a family. We see more LGBTQ+ persons and families in movies and TV series than before, making it easier for children to see and meet different family structures. According to Professor Susan Golombok, there is no reason to worry about your child’s well-being, gender identity, sexual orientation, etc. as long as you make sure to provide a lot of love and support.
Why Cryos is an LGBTQ+ friendly sperm bank
About 35% of the people we help are a member of the LGBTQ+ community. To us, being an LGBTQ+ friendly sperm bank means that we believe that everyone - no matter their gender, sexual orientation, civil status, etc. - deserves the right to become parents if they wish to. We provide donor sperm to LGBTQ+ persons and collaborate with clinics that offer fertility treatment for members of the LGBTQ+ community. We have also taken an active role in the work towards the WHO Global Goals with our continuous efforts to create awareness about fertility, and our support for equal access to third-party donation and legal parenthood.
Common challenges for LGBTQ+ parents to be
LGBTQ+ people around the world still face challenges and obstacles when wanting to become parents. Here are some of the most frequent challenges we hear about. If you want to read more challenges for LGBTQ+ parents, follow the link to our blog post further explaining the challenges.
Access to fertility treatment as an LGBTQ+ person
Not all countries allow LGBTQ+ persons or couples access to fertility treatment with donor sperm or eggs. As a result, members of the LGBTQ+ community need to travel abroad to receive their desired treatment (also called fertility tourism). A 2021 customer survey shows that 20% of our lesbian customers were going to have fertility treatment in another country than where they live.
Legal recognition of same-sex parents – the options of co-parenthood or second-parent adoption
The possibilities of being legally recognized as LGBT parents also differ from country to country. There is unfortunately still a lot of work to be done in this area. Several countries even have different laws for same-sex parents depending on whether they are male or female. Some countries sadly have laws against same-sex parents in general, making it impossible for both parents to be recognized as legal parents.
Concerns when becoming a non-biological parent
Some future LGBTQ+ parents are concerned about their relationship with their child when becoming a non-biological parent. However, at Cryos we strongly believe that love makes a family and that a natural attachment as well as unconditional love will be there, no matter how the child is conceived.
Join our Facebook community and meet other lesbian parents
LGBTQ+ parents often face challenges on their way to parenthood. Therefore, we have created the Facebook group Family Dreams, where you can connect with like-minded people. In Family Dreams, you can share your own story, ask questions about for example fertility treatment with donor sperm and LGBT parenting, and see pictures of donor-conceived children shared by other lesbian mums, singles, and heterosexual couples.
Personal stories about using a sperm donor as lesbians
On your journey towards becoming mothers, it may be helpful and comforting to read personal stories from other lesbian parents who have gone through the same process as you. Follow the links below to read some of the personal stories we have received from lesbian parents:
- Phoebe and her wife made use of fertility tourism to become pregnant
- Anna's upbringing with lesbian mothers
- Having a baby: Julie and Camilla's fertility journey
Resources for lesbian couples
Besides the Facebook group, we also have other resources that lesbian parents, future and current, may find helpful. Follow the links below to read the blog posts:
Frequently asked questions about lesbian parents
How many lesbian couples use sperm donors?
Many lesbian couples benefit from donor sperm to conceive - in fact, about 35% of Cryos' private customers are lesbian couples trying to have a baby. Other LGBTQ persons also benefit from donor sperm or eggs, and as an LGBTQ+ friendly sperm bank, Cryos will be happy to help you make your dream of a child come true.
How to buy donor sperm as a lesbian couple?
The process of buying sperm for fertility treatment as a lesbian couple is the same as for everyone else. Before you purchase the sperm, you need to find a fertility clinic where you will have your treatment. After finding a fertility clinic, you can proceed to find a donor and order donor sperm for treatment.